Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Deer Santa Claws

Meester Santa Claws
Hims House
Norf Powl
Erf (or possibly not erf… I duzn’t really no’s… but how many Santa Claws’ can there be’s?)

Deer Meester Santa Claws,

It hab be’d qwite a sooper yeer for meself. Hab settled rite into me life as a ‘tired houndy tho mostly ham not ‘ticularly tired becoz there ham fings to do soopervizings ALL the time. But I ham a berry berry sooper boy at goings to bed at nite time (sept for being berry sneekies and hignoring Mummy wen hers tells meself it ham time for last wees. I duz not need last wees). I always takes meself to bed likes a berry big boy at seben o’clocks. I hab not maked any indoor wees all yeer but sumtimes (if sumfing wot duzn’t hagree wib meself falls into me mouf and slips into me tummy) I needs a poo ins the middle obs the nite and I duz acsidently forgets to ask for that but hab only dunned that too times this yeer (forget to ask that is, not acsidently hab fings falls into me mouf… that happens qwite a lot. Me mouf ham like a magnet for taysties fings… It ham not me folt I woz borned wib a magnet mouf so pleeze don’t puts meself ons the norty list).

I hab maked a millyon frends and hab eben got meself a Meester Porl and a older more shorter and fatter bruvva. I duz looks afta Thai sumtimes and stops him getting more fatter by eating hims foods. Sumtimes I forget hims qwite more older than meself and try to get himself to play but hims looks at meself like I ham stoopid. Wot I ham not.

I hab also not et me ginny pig sistas, Brenda and Dorofy. This ham qwite a hacheivement becoz… well… hab you see’d thems? Thems smorl and fluffies and joosy… But I hab not et them. So praps I shood be rite at the top obs the Good Boy List?

So… Meester Santa Claws, pleeze cood I hab sum sooper fings in me hooge red sok this year? Mummy sez we ham moobing house in Janyooary and I shood ask for helpy fings like noo tags for me collar and me harness but thems not ‘ticularly tasty. Hers also sez we duz needs noo beds for snoozings but thems wont stink like ourselfs and, agen, thems not taysties.

Wot I wood really lub wood be’s to hab sum berry taysties treets. Berry taysties ones. Like ones from DeMontforts becoz thems ham berry taysties and duzn’t make me bottom ‘splode and do midnite poos. It wood also be really really lubbly ifs you cood praps fit meself a noo teddy on you’s slay becoz me last one did ‘splode wot woz qwite sad.

Anyways, Meester Santa Claws, I duz hopes you ham berry well and you’s beerd ham ‘ticularly fluffies and wite likes wot Brenda’s chin ham. I will make sure that meself and Thai leebs youself sum taysties fings for wen you comes down ours chimney and I promiss to ‘bemember to tell Thai not to barks at youself. We ham going to be trackings youself agen this yeer and Mummy will makes sure we ham in bed before you gets to sees us.

Fanks youself and bemember to fluff hup you’s beerd.

From Arfur Carr

P.S. Thai wood lub sum berry taysties fings too.