Sunday, 27 July 2014

Me Day - By meself aged too and eleben bits and twentie seben eben smaller bits.

Mummy sez wen me angel bruvva David woz more older hims rit a blog post about hims day wot you can reed here... A day in the life of me angel bruvva wen hims woz more older.

Hers sed it wood be a sooper idea to rite wot me day ham like now and wot it ham like wen I ham free, then for and then more older than that. So, this ham me own rooteen (for Mundie to Frydie):

05.30: Cleen boys bit furraly. Normly Mummy sez ‘can you not wayt til layter’. Duznt be’s possible. Wen you’s boys bit is not sparkly, duz need to be cleaned. Woodn’t want a un-sparkly boys bit sqwiggling on you’s bed wood you?
05.40: Hab a look out of the window.
05.45: Jumps on the bed. Sqwiggle. A lot. See, woz defnatlie necessary to hab a cleen boys bit.
05.55: Snooze a bit.
06.15: Beep box beeps. Mummy gets hup. Sqwiggle lots more where Mummy woz snoozing. Wag tail lots. YOU HAM AWAKE AND REDDY TO START THE DAY!
06.20: Goes outside for me poo. Habs a showt. Tell evryone you ham awake and habing you’s morning poo. Wag tail lots.
06.25: Do zoomies back indoors. Ded sumfing. Anyfing. Wag tail lots.
06.30: Be helpy wib Mummy’s hair. Sumtimes it be’s nessessary to continue dedding the fing wot you woz dedding at 06.25 rite where Mummy’s hair doing fings is. Wag tail lots.
06.45: Mundie, Toosdie, Fursdie, Frydie: go walkies, meet Bernie and hims Hoo-man. Bouncy hup Bernie’s hoo-man and wag tayl lots. Snuffle Bernie’s hoo-man til I get treets. Jump away from Bernie’s snap snap grr. Do anuvva poo. No need to bark as the werld alreddy no’s I ham awake. Try and eats the long grass becoz I ham starving as I hab not et since me before bed snack.
Wensdie: Do walkies at uvva park. Trys to put me feets in the waters. Says hello to the duck bred hoo-man. Wag tail lots. Scare hims ducks away wib me ‘hello duck bred hoo-man’ bounce. Try to eat thems bred.
07.30: Get back from walkies. Hab brekfst. Burp. Wag tail lots.
07.45: Stare at Mummy for hextra brekfst from hers plate. Wag tail lots.
08.00: Mundie, Toosdie, Fursdie, Frydie: Hab me fishy treets. Hab a snooze.
Wensdie: Goes to playgroop. I lub playgroop! Wag tail lots. (Skip to 5 pee-em)
11.00: Hooman Nanny comes to take me walkies to hers house. Wag tail lots.
11.05: Do a poo for Hooman Nanny – normly a slug poo rite in frunt of as many peeples as possibles.
11.25: Get to Hooman Nanny’s house. Do zoomies. Be helpy wib watering. Sqwiggle on sofa. Be helpy wib making sammiches. Be helpy wib card makings. Do zoomies in the garden wib me borly. Wag tail lots.
12.45: Mummy picks meself hup and takes meself home ins the car. I lub the car. Wag tail lots.
13.00: Hab me fishy kong.
13.30: Snooze.
17.00: Mummy gets home! Wag tail lots. Bounce a lot. Poke noze in eyeborl. Do zoomies in garden. Bounce lots more. Wag tail lots more.
17.30: Go walkies. Do too poos. Wag tail lots.
18.30: Sqweek rite froo Mummy’s tellybox program for me dinners.
19.00: Heventually hab me dinners. Soopervize Mummy making hers dinners. Wag tail lots.
19.30: Swap between soopervizing Mummy eatings dinner and habing a look out the window.
19.45: Soopervize Mummy habing a shower.
20.00: Praps practiss sum of me homewerk from skool. Wag tail lots. Habs a bit of a snooze.
21.00: Get hup, ded sumfing. Hab a mad five minits. Wag tail lots. Do zoomies in the garden. Praps hab a poo ands a wee if I can be bovvered. Hab me before bed snack.
21.15: Settle down wib Mummy for the evenink. Rest tail.
23.00: Bedtimes. I hab to be still and qwiet. Praps I duz a sneekies ‘pffft’.

Satadie and Sundie ham completely different. Thems goes like this:

06.20: Goes outside for me poo. Habs a showt. Tell evryone you ham awake and habing you’s morning poo. Wag tail lots.
06.25: Do zoomies back indoors. Ded sumfing. Anyfing. Wag tail lots.
06.30: Make mischiff all day.
23.00: Bedtimes.

So, as you can see. I ham qwite bizzy! Duzn’t be’s enuff time in the day for a proper lubbly snooze or ritings but I ham going to try me very hardest to do sum ritings eben if it meens I habs to give hup some of me few snoozes. 

Friday, 25 July 2014

Me ferst blog post!

I hab be’d in me noo home for FOR hole munfs and Mummy hab telled me praps I shood hab a blog like wot me angel bruvva did. Mummy sez praps I shood rite down me longer forts (shood I eva hab a long fort wibout getting distracted by sumfing un-fortful – like mugs. I lub mugs. Speshally wen thems in me mouf). So I finked wibout getting distracted that wood be’s probly best to start from the beginning. Before Mummy taked meself home I had neva be’d in a home before.

Wen you ferst gets home, everyfing be’s different. No kennels. No uvva hounds (unless you’s now got ‘doptid bruvvas and sistas). You hab to acqwaint youself wib ebryfing. And you hab ROOLS! Rools meen you hab to fink and sumtimes it be’s difficult to fink becoz of fings like mugs. You’s ferst day wib you’s hoomans will probly go a bit likes this:

Run around like a sooper mad fing. Wees hup the table (or if you ham a gerl do wee’s on the rug). Grab the cushons, frow them about. Pick up anyfing wot looks hinteresting. Hides it. Hintroduce youself to the tellybox wevver man. Put you’s feets on EVRYFING. Look out the window. Put you’s feets on the window. Run around some mores. Do wee’s outside. Pick hup mugs. Stores them. Wurry you’s noo name is ‘Leave’ becoz that be’s a stoopid name. Hintroduce youself to the naybers by putting you’s feets on the fence and going boing! Sqwiggle you’s wite (or any uvva culler) fluffs all ova the rug. Heventually be hexzorstid and allow noo hooman to show you you’s bed. Snooze. Wakes hup. Follow hooman around. Ded sumfing else. Collect more fings. Do wee’s outside. Go walkies. Wurry about evryfing: cars, lorries, hooge wite ducks, uvva dogs - speshally small ones wot is like wabbits but wot is like dogs at the same time. Hooge confoozion! Say hello to evry hooman you meet becoz in kennels evryone sez hello. Wurry agen that you’s name mite hactually be called ‘Leave’. Follow hooman around. Snooze. Get taked hupstairs. Worry about the hooge mowntin. Neerly fall down leeping hup. Find beds! Sqwiggle all ova beds. Run round sooper fast. Make the cushons ded.

Heventually you’s noo hooman tells you to settle down in you’s bed for long snoozes. You wakes hup a cupple of times in the nite becoz it be’s a bit wurrying not being wib a millyon uvva houndies in kennels (and there be’s mugs) but afta a little wile you relax.

You’s next day duzn’t be’s qwite so wurrying (once you’s got ova the wurry of coming back down the hooge mowntin). Ova the next few days you will start to feel a bit more cumfy. You will no’s you’s name is not Leeve but hactually Arfur. And you will lern the rools: wot you can eats and wot you can ded and wot you habs to leeve (likes cushons). So hinsted of cushons being sooper good fun thems just sits about doing nuffing. Boring. You will lern that hoomans is a bit funnies like that. Thems cushons is preshus. Sumtimes you can ded them tho went thems not looking. If thems duzn’t see you you can blame the wind. Then you hab you’s rooteen. I lub rooteen, you no’s wot you’s ment to do wen.

To be continoo'd...