Deer Santa Claws

Meester Santa Claws

Hims House

Norf Powl

Erf (or possibly not erf… I duzn’t really no’s… but how many Santa Claws’ can there be’s?)

Deer Meester Santa Claws,

It hab be’d qwite a sooper yeer for meself. Hab settled rite into me life as a ‘tired houndy tho mostly ham not ‘ticularly tired becoz there ham fings to do soopervizings ALL the time. But I ham a berry berry sooper boy at goings to bed at nite time (sept for being berry sneekies and hignoring Mummy wen hers tells meself it ham time for last wees. I duz not need last wees). I always takes meself to bed likes a berry big boy at seben o’clocks. I hab not maked any indoor wees all yeer but sumtimes (if sumfing wot duzn’t hagree wib meself falls into me mouf and slips into me tummy) I needs a poo ins the middle obs the nite and I duz acsidently forgets to ask for that but hab only dunned that too times this yeer (forget to ask that is, not acsidently hab fings falls into me mouf… that happens qwite a lot. Me mouf ham like a magnet for taysties fings… It ham not me folt I woz borned wib a magnet mouf so pleeze don’t puts meself ons the norty list).

I hab maked a millyon frends and hab eben got meself a Meester Porl and a older more shorter and fatter bruvva. I duz looks afta Thai sumtimes and stops him getting more fatter by eating hims foods. Sumtimes I forget hims qwite more older than meself and try to get himself to play but hims looks at meself like I ham stoopid. Wot I ham not.

I hab also not et me ginny pig sistas, Brenda and Dorofy. This ham qwite a hacheivement becoz… well… hab you see’d thems? Thems smorl and fluffies and joosy… But I hab not et them. So praps I shood be rite at the top obs the Good Boy List?

So… Meester Santa Claws, pleeze cood I hab sum sooper fings in me hooge red sok this year? Mummy sez we ham moobing house in Janyooary and I shood ask for helpy fings like noo tags for me collar and me harness but thems not ‘ticularly tasty. Hers also sez we duz needs noo beds for snoozings but thems wont stink like ourselfs and, agen, thems not taysties.

Wot I wood really lub wood be’s to hab sum berry taysties treets. Berry taysties ones. Like ones from DeMontforts becoz thems ham berry taysties and duzn’t make me bottom ‘splode and do midnite poos. It wood also be really really lubbly ifs you cood praps fit meself a noo teddy on you’s slay becoz me last one did ‘splode wot woz qwite sad.

Anyways, Meester Santa Claws, I duz hopes you ham berry well and you’s beerd ham ‘ticularly fluffies and wite likes wot Brenda’s chin ham. I will make sure that meself and Thai leebs youself sum taysties fings for wen you comes down ours chimney and I promiss to ‘bemember to tell Thai not to barks at youself. We ham going to be trackings youself agen this yeer and Mummy will makes sure we ham in bed before you gets to sees us.

Fanks youself and bemember to fluff hup you’s beerd.

From Arfur Carr

P.S. Thai wood lub sum berry taysties fings too.

Reedham Ferry Touring Park, Reedham Ferry Inn, Reedham, Norwich, NR13 3HA

http://www.reedhamferry.co.uk/

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:                              *****

Did it habs grasses for rollings and eatings?    Millyons ob grasses.

Did it hab wabbits for meselfs watching?          Millyons ob wabbits and cows.

Did it hab mowls for Thai’s sniffings?                We didn’t see’s any mowls.

Did it has horsey poos neer it for eatings?        No horsey poos.

Woz walkies away from bizzy roads?                 Walkies woz neer the river wot woz qwite sooper. Millyons ob sniffs.

Did we get to do washings hup or woz there fasilities?   There woz fasilities but on haccont obs the millyons ob rayns meself and Thai did get to do sum washings hup.     

                                                                                                

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:               *****

Date visited:                                             July 2015       

Woz the facilities ‘geenic?                     Berry cleen and geenics.      

Did thems hab showers?                       Thems did.                

Did them habs ‘lektric?                          There woz ‘lektric ons anuvva part obs the site but we didn’t habs ‘lektric on haccount obs being on anuvva field.

Did Joodiff hab frends?                         Hers did be wib sum tents on ours field.

Woz it seclooded:                                   Not ‘ticularly but ours field did look out ova a millyon fields wot woz berry berry sooper.  

Woz it neers to a pub?                           Woz rite next to the Reedham Ferry Inn. Sooper... 

Any uvva comments:                         We did goes wen it woz a millyon rains and winds. Did habs lots of funs watchings hoomans putting hup tents in the berry berry rainy windyness wen we woz all snugglies in Joodiff. We lubs Joodiff. We did watchings peeples putting hup a tent for nearly for hole hours. Then we did walkies to the pub and did habs dinners. Then we did comes back and goes to bed wibs the berry berry windy rainy ness alls outside. Wen we did wakes hup in the morning the tenty peeples woz all gonned! Thems did either get blowed away or thems did gets berry berry wet and windied and did goes in the middle obs the nite. We woz berry berry warm and snugglies in Joodiff. 

Dukes Head, Slugs Lane, Somerleyton, Lowestoft, Suffolk, NR32 5QR

www.dukesheadsomerleyton.co.uk

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:               ***

Treet on arrival:                                       No treets

Waters bowl putted out:                       There woz sum outside the frunt door.

Enuff space for me layings down:        We did sittings outside so did hab millyons ob snoozings space.

Taybles big enuff for Thai snoozings under:  Hims cood qwite easy fit under the tayble.  

Amount ob leff-dovers:                         We did gets too beef drippings chippies each becoz Mummy and Meester Porl did gets fulled rite hup wibs lubbly porks wot we did not get to do any eatings ob.

If it habs a garden, duz it habs grass:   Did habs a lubbly grassy garden wot woz sooper for sniffings and snoozings.

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:        ****

Duz them habs Aspalls?                   Yes thems did. Mummy woz happies.

Duz thems habs reel ayl?                 Yes thems did. Meester Porl woz happies too.  

Sooperness obs menu:                     Woz berry sooper. Qwite stoopid prices tho.

Stickiness obs tables:                        Wozn’t stickies but did hab wosps wot woz annoying but ham summer.

Any uvva comments:            Did be’s close to the trayn stayshon and did hab lubbly walkies to the river. Hinside the pub did habs a dog friendlys part obs the bar buts the restront woznt unless you did eatings outside. 

Reedham Ferry Inn, Reedham Ferry Inn, Reedham, Norwich, NR13 3HA

http://www.reedhamferry.co.uk/

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:              ***

Treet on arrival:                                      No treets

Waters bowl putted out:                      No waters but there woz waters outside

Enuff space for me layings down:       Plenties of floor spaces but did get nearly stooded on!

Taybles big enuff for Thai snoozings under:   Yes berry good for snoozings. Altho anuvva unders-the-table-dog did gets stooded on by hims Daddy wen hims woz under the table.

Carpits or hard?                                       Woz hards.

Amount ob leff-dovers:                          I finks praps we did gets a chip each.

If it habs a garden, duz it habs grass:  Didn’t habs a garden wot we did sees but did hab seets outside the frunt wot woz hard.  

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:        *****

Duz them habs Aspalls?                   Yes thems did.  

Duz thems habs reel ayl?                 Qwite lots. Meester Porl did try a few.

Sooperness obs menu:                     Berry sooper.

Stickiness obs tables:                       Not stickies at all.

Any uvva comments:                        Mummy and Meester Porl did lub thems food berry berry much. Thems sed woz a berry sooper propers pub wot woz berry close to where we did habs Joodiff snoozing for the nite. Lubbly looks onto the wet waters and sooper walkies.

The Rambler Inn, Edale, Hope Valley, Derbyshire, S33 7ZA

http://theramblerinn.com

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:               ****

Treet on arrival:                                       We did gets lots of treets. Eben the sheff man did gib us treets!

Waters bowl putted out:                       We did habs a hooge bowl obs waters. Wot ham good becoz sumtimes Thai finks hims a fish and needs to drinks millyons ob waters.

Enuff space for me layings down:        Plenties ob rooms

Taybles big enuff for Thai snoozings under:  Plenties ob room for himself. Eben under the tables for a meself.

Carpits or hard?                                       Woz hard hunfortunately.

Amount ob leff-dovers:                          Not a single fing. Not eben sum ob Meester Porls hooge playt ob hams.

If it habs a garden, duz it habs grass:   Millyons ob grasses. Sooper.

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:             ****

Duz them habs Aspalls?                         No but thems did habs Owld Rosie hinsted wot Mummy did qwite lub.

Duz thems habs reel ayl?                      Thems did. Meester Porl woz berry pleezed. Hims tried them all on holibobs.

Sooperness obs menu:                          Woz sooper for beings fulled rite hup afta a hole day doing walkies hup a mowntin.

Stickiness obs tables:                             Not stickies.

Any uvva comments: Woz rite by the trayn stayshon ins Edale wot woz neer where we did stays. We did walkies hup the mowntin then getted the trayn to Hope then getted the bus to Castleton then getted the bus back to Hope then getted the bus back to Edale and meself and Thai was ‘zorstid so woz sooper to hab treets and waters and snoozed.  

The Old Nags Head, Edale, Hope Valley, Derbyshire, S33 7ZD

http://www.the-old-nags-head.co.uk

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:               ***

Treet on arrival:                                       No treet

Waters bowl putted out:                       Did hab a waters bowl hindoors.

Enuff space for me layings down:        Plenties wib sooper cowld floors wot you needs wen you ham berry hot afta mowntin walkies.

Taybles big enuff for Thai snoozings under:           Thems woz outside but we didn’t do sittings hinside so I duznt nos.

Carpits or hard?                                        Floors woz made ob hard but woz okies becoz we woz hots.

Amount ob leff-dovers:                          Didn’t eben gets a crum! Rood! Speshally afta woz dragged for a millyon miles and habing checked me ‘dopshon contract I ham correkt in sayings it stayts ‘greyhounds need too twentie minit walkies’… NOT seberal hours ob hup mowntin walkies. Ham not a mowntin gowt. Anyways, no leff-dovers eben for aboosed hounds.

If it habs a garden, duz it habs grass:          Did habs a garden wot woz maked ob hard.

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:             ****

Duz them habs Aspalls?                         None obs me Mummy’s fabrit syder.

Duz thems habs reel ayl?                       Yes, Meester Porl woz berry pleezed.

Sooperness obs menu:                           Did look berry yummies and meself and Thai did not eben gets a crum! *points to comments abuv about leff-dovers, twentie minit walkies and aboose*

Stickiness obs tables:                             Mummy and Meester Porl did eats outside becoz ob sunshines so thems benches woz not stickies. Did not look like stickies hinside tables wen I putted me noze on them tho.

Any uvva comments:            Woz in the middle obs Edale village wot woz sooper for collapsing afta walkies for miles and miles and miles and miles (eben tho meself and Thai did gets rests and to drink out ob springs – bestest waters eba – we did eben get ours toes wet). Didn’t be’s too far froms the trayn stayshon.

Waterside Farm Campsite, Barber Booth Road, Edale, Derbyshire, S33 7ZL

hOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:                        *****

Did it habs grasses for rollings and eatings? Millyons ob grasses for rollings and eatings

Did it hab wabbits for meselfs watching?     Woz wabbits and ducks and chikins and ebryfing wot you cood eba lub to do lookings at! Hinclooding sheeps. I lub sheeps.           

Did it hab mowls for Thai’s sniffings?            Did hab mowls but not many

Did it has horsey poos neer it for eatings?   Meself and Thai didn’t eats any horsey poos but Thai did lub sheepy poos.

Woz walkies away from bizzy roads?            Walkies to village woz on a smorl road but woz a millyon foot parfs to do walkies on too.   

Did we get to do washings hup or woz there fasilities?    Woz washings hup wib warm waters fasilities but we did get to be helpy wib the brekfst playts.  

                                                                                                

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:                *****

Date visited:                                                Joon 2015

Woz the facilities ‘geenic?                       Mummy sez hers toylets and showers woz probly more better than wot Meester Porls woz but then you ham on a farm.

Did thems hab showers?                         Woz showers, woz warm. Didn’t hab to use treet pennies.

Did them habs ‘lektric?                            No ‘lektrik but wozn’t a problem for Joodiff.             

Did Joodiff hab frends?                            Wen we did leeb Joodiff did hab sum friends but wen we did gets there Joodiff woz all on hers own.

Woz it seclooded:                                      Berry berry lubbly ins the mowntins.           

Woz it neers to a pub?                             Wib in walkies distance obs The Old Nags Head and The Rambler Inn.                

Any uvva comments:    Woz nessled between too hoooooge hills wot ham called Kinder Scowt ands Mam Tor (stoopid names!) Habbed a train line runnings across the back but the seenery maked hup for it by millions. Woz a werkings farm and did habs millyons ob aminals to do lookings at. Smorl ducks and more hooger ducks and ebil chikins and gowts and sheeps (I lubbed sheeps). Did hab walkies to the trayn station wot taked you to Hope ands then you cood get busses to Castleton wot we did. I did lub the trayn. I did not lub the bus. Mummy sez woz well werf the munnies for the ‘mazing hooge looks.